I’d
naturally get steeped in doubt, even as I know God requires that I do.
Not. Doubt. Does doubt nullify my faith? Do I get a chance at getting
what I believe for if…if my heart falters for just a split second?
His command is that I be anxious for nothing. Sadly, I
remember this scripture in 6-month cycles, after 6 months of worry, and
despair, and doubt, and weeks of second-guessing God, and seeking 12
opinions from 12 different people, half of which end up saying “you need
to go to God to show you,” to which my head responds, “if God had shown
me you think I’ll be talking to you?”
Faith is born of my ignorance about the grand plan. Well,
doubt too. But faith is ignorant me trusting in the one who owns the
grand plan. Believing, hoping, following, knowing that I am little…
My acknowledgement of my littleness does not mean I doubt
that I have been made in the image of God, and therefore am a god. It is
me agreeing that a grand scheme of things exists, and that I have
absolutely no power in myself to make the slightest difference in that
scheme.
Will all I want, worry all I want, but if he doesn’t say
stop, the situation doesn’t. And that is why what he desires most is
what I totally seek, because when my screaming STOP! aligns with his
will, he moves heaven to make sure stop is enforced.
Faith is the ability to take one step at a time, totally
assured that God holds my hands. Faith is to not see the full picture,
but to trust still. Faith is to not have all the answers, but to not
question the only one who can provide them. Faith is to not ask how,
when, or why. Faith is to know that help will come, regardless.
Faith is to trust God will prove himself. But does he need to? He is God. And that, unfortunately, is already proven.
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